Nurse Wretched

School nurseIt’s hard to say what’s most painful in this episode: flu shots, bad English-class poetry, or the scenery-chewing new school nurse who prompts Zack to dis Kelly. Actually, scratch that—it’s definitely Zack’s peg-rolled suit. Read the rest of this entry »

My two dads

Mr. B. and JamesJames, perhaps realizing that no one is ever going to give him an actual acting job, gladly accepts the role(s) of a lifetime, playing both Mr. Belding and Derek Morris in an attempt to save Zack from being banished from the school ski trip. Read the rest of this entry »

Pimp my niece

Belding’s desperate to land a date for his visiting niece, and Zack’s desperate to avoid suspension. Sounds like the perfect occasion for a little principal blackmail! But since the end result is Zack and Screech getting lucky while Slater gets left in the dust, we’re willing to let Belding’s breach of principal-ing ethics slide this time. Read the rest of this entry »

Girls gone mild

Zack proves himself a slightly tamer predecessor to Girls Gone Wild purveyor Joe Francis when he uses the school’s lame video yearbook concept to pimp the girls of Bayside in a dating tape. Strangely, it’s not the girls who get most upset over being sold off to horny reform-school boys while Zack reaps the profits—rather, it’s Slater, who I guess doesn’t appreciate the intrusion into his pool of eligible men. Read the rest of this entry »

The Bullshit Aptitude Test

I'm so excited!Sharpen those No. 2 pencils, kids, and get ready to wade through the bullshit! If this episode is to be believed, taking the SATs is the most important thing you’ll ever do in your life (ever), colleges pay no attention to students’ grades or activities and offer scholarship packages that include cars, caesar salads come with anchovies, people will believe you’re from Harvard as long as you say “Harvard” super-annoyingly, Zack is a genius, and Jessie’s an idiot. All right, we’ll buy that last one. Read the rest of this entry »

How to lose a job in two days

Zack meets StaceyAfter the gang displays their collective ineptitude at being responsible members of the workforce (by being impertinent, lazy and using company resources for their personal needs), they’re rightfully fired. Unfortunately, Stacey Carosi, in a very un-Stacey-Carosi-like move, saves their sorry asses. Anyone else think the Malibu Sands Beach Club would be much better if it were run by Donald Trump? Read the rest of this entry »

College girls are easy

Zack and DanielleZack meets a desperate 35-year-old “college student” at the Max, and she takes him and the guys to the club where all the desperate 35-year-old “college students” hang out. And what do you know? They run into The Sketchinator, cheating on Kelly! What are the odds? Of course, Zack fails to consider the fact that his mom is also part of the over-35 set, and therefore the odds that they’re going to get busted are quite good as well. Read the rest of this entry »