Wherefore art thou, Tony Crane?

Tony CraneFor never was there a tale of more woe, than the time all the girls of Bayside crushed super-hard on substitute English teacher Tony Crane. Read the rest of this entry »

Rage before booty

Fatal Attraction KellyAfter Zack bugs the girls’ slumber party to get intel on Kelly’s choice of date for the dance, they attempt to convince him that Kelly’s the next Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Nice try, but we all know that title belongs to Jessie. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s raining men (in drag)

Zack as BambiJessie’s not the only cross-dresser on this show. Zack dresses up as the lovely “Bambi” to fool Screech into thinking girls actually do like him, all in the name of a science project that doesn’t make any sense anyway. Slater seizes the opportunity to, um…seize Zack. Read the rest of this entry »

“I don’t think we need to be subliminable…”

This episode answers two very important questions. Namely, does Slater really have feelings for Zack? (Yes.) And is Beau Revere the dumbest fake celebrity name ever? (Yes.) Ah, if only the Republicans had thought to broadcast their “subliminable” messages through teen pop back in 2000–we could have avoided that whole nasty recount mess. (The downside: We might all be compelled to refer to W. as “a salt-and-pepper Tom Cruise.”) Read the rest of this entry »

Mona lala: Hawaiian for “that would never actually happen in real life”

Slater with grenadeWelcome to Bayside, a world where red ribbons are given out for third place, people can hang out completely unnoticed in filing cabinets, “live” grenades are set off in homes and public restaurants, and the entire U.S. Army is controlled by A.C. Slater. Read the rest of this entry »

Clear skin! Beat Valley!

Homecoming QueenEven with the combination of a maroon face, a hideous orange dress and cowboy boots, Kelly manages to kick Muffin Sangria’s ass in the race for homecoming queen. Poor Muffin. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Read the rest of this entry »

Read my lips: Jessie’s a man

Zack and Jessie go head-to-head in the race for student-body president for the chance to preside over the gang and 12 or so random extras. May the best man win! Read the rest of this entry »