Nurse Wretched

School nurseIt’s hard to say what’s most painful in this episode: flu shots, bad English-class poetry, or the scenery-chewing new school nurse who prompts Zack to dis Kelly. Actually, scratch that—it’s definitely Zack’s peg-rolled suit. Read the rest of this entry »

My two dads

Mr. B. and JamesJames, perhaps realizing that no one is ever going to give him an actual acting job, gladly accepts the role(s) of a lifetime, playing both Mr. Belding and Derek Morris in an attempt to save Zack from being banished from the school ski trip. Read the rest of this entry »

Indian bummer

Indian ZackNative American surfer dude Chief Henry meets his untimely end so that Zack can learn a Very Important Lesson. Given that he seemed perfectly healthy, our guess is that the Chief was simply annoyed to death by Jessie and her White Guilt. Read the rest of this entry »

Teenagers & tiaras

Miss BaysideThe Miss Bayside pageant gives Jessie a chance to hop back up on her “feminist” soapbox, Kelly a chance to sing really badly, Slater a chance to bust out some short-shorts, and Lisa a chance to get sassy. But it’s Screech who takes the glory—and the crown—thanks to (of course) a Zack Morris scam. Read the rest of this entry »

Pimp my niece

Belding’s desperate to land a date for his visiting niece, and Zack’s desperate to avoid suspension. Sounds like the perfect occasion for a little principal blackmail! But since the end result is Zack and Screech getting lucky while Slater gets left in the dust, we’re willing to let Belding’s breach of principal-ing ethics slide this time. Read the rest of this entry »

Girls gone mild

Zack proves himself a slightly tamer predecessor to Girls Gone Wild purveyor Joe Francis when he uses the school’s lame video yearbook concept to pimp the girls of Bayside in a dating tape. Strangely, it’s not the girls who get most upset over being sold off to horny reform-school boys while Zack reaps the profits—rather, it’s Slater, who I guess doesn’t appreciate the intrusion into his pool of eligible men. Read the rest of this entry »

Break me up before you go-go

Slater dancing balletWhen Zack and Slater fail to see eye to eye with their women about the merits of the ballet and Kelly’s right to have a sugar daddy, it’s trouble in paradise. The guys kick it solo for a while (which seems to suit Slater just fine), until they realize this means spending some quality time with Richie “No Life” Belding. So Zack and Slater hastily get their girls back, by apologizing and acting like a flaming homosexual, respectively. Read the rest of this entry »