Hate the playa and the game

Kelly volleyballIt’s sex, lies and volleyball as the Malibu Sands Beach Club prepares for the big match against North Beach. Oh, except there’s no sex. And not much lying, either, unless you count the big one Zack pulls over on Carosi to get him to back their ragtag team. But there is lots of volleyball. Um, yay? Read the rest of this entry »

Girls gone mild

Zack proves himself a slightly tamer predecessor to Girls Gone Wild purveyor Joe Francis when he uses the school’s lame video yearbook concept to pimp the girls of Bayside in a dating tape. Strangely, it’s not the girls who get most upset over being sold off to horny reform-school boys while Zack reaps the profits—rather, it’s Slater, who I guess doesn’t appreciate the intrusion into his pool of eligible men. Read the rest of this entry »


Kristy giving a noogieFemale wrestler Kristy Barnes rolls into Bayside to teach everyone a Very Important Lesson about gender roles. So Important is this Lesson, as it turns out, that there is no time for Jessie to learn that “pigism” isn’t actually a word, nor for the rest of us to learn why Coach Sonski has a mysterious accent straight outta Newark. But at least we all now know how to escape a choke hold by administering a noogie. Read the rest of this entry »

The Bullshit Aptitude Test

I'm so excited!Sharpen those No. 2 pencils, kids, and get ready to wade through the bullshit! If this episode is to be believed, taking the SATs is the most important thing you’ll ever do in your life (ever), colleges pay no attention to students’ grades or activities and offer scholarship packages that include cars, caesar salads come with anchovies, people will believe you’re from Harvard as long as you say “Harvard” super-annoyingly, Zack is a genius, and Jessie’s an idiot. All right, we’ll buy that last one. Read the rest of this entry »

Life, liberty and the pursuit of really hideous clothing

Miss Liberty PageantThe Fourth of July finds the girls of Malibu Sands exercising their God-given right to dress like they’re on their way to a drag show (or Disneyland or a third-grade school pageant, in the case of Kelly and Jessie). In the delayed-reaction category, Carosi finally fires Zack (only to hire him back later the same day under threat of a lawsuit), and Zack and Stacey finally make out. Read the rest of this entry »

All we are saying is give chocolate-covered grasshoppers a chance

The Earth experiences a seismic shift of record proportions after Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Susan B. Anthony collectively roll over in their graves upon witnessing the weak-ass plastic foam protest planned by Jessie and Graham. Elsewhere, Zack is apparently too consumed with the task of trying to outwit Belding and sneak out of school to fly into one of his trademark jealous rages when Slater puts the moves on Kelly. Read the rest of this entry »

How to lose a job in two days

Zack meets StaceyAfter the gang displays their collective ineptitude at being responsible members of the workforce (by being impertinent, lazy and using company resources for their personal needs), they’re rightfully fired. Unfortunately, Stacey Carosi, in a very un-Stacey-Carosi-like move, saves their sorry asses. Anyone else think the Malibu Sands Beach Club would be much better if it were run by Donald Trump? Read the rest of this entry »